Be My Valentine

It's strange.  I usually spend this day in a complete funk; loathing all of the women at work with their newly delivered flowers proudly displayed on their desk or (thanks to social media) the dozens of pics and sentiments on Facebook about their wonderful man.  However, that is the case today & I'm not sure why.
I feel content.  No, for another year, I do not have a significant other in my life....nor do I have any prospects.  However, I have so much more!
I have the most amazing child.  He fills my days with love and lots (LOTS) of laughter.  He's twelve now and there is no teenage angst in sight (yet).  Not only that, but he's healthy....this child has missed 1 day of school since kindergarten due to illness!
Equally awesome, I'm healthy.  I have a job I love that requires me to be 100% healthy to do it.  Aside from a week missed due to a sprained ankle, I have been fortunate enough to continue teaching for going on 7 years.
I have a wonderfully supportive family (who are healthy as well!), who I get to see every single day.  I didn't grow up with grandparents in my life and I just think of how blessed Keaton is to grown up with them.
My group of friends are astounding!  They make me laugh, they put up with my nonsense, and they will always be there for me to lend me a should to cry on, an ear to listen, or just drink a beer with me.  Seriously, I could name 10 people off of the top my head that I could call right now and they would drop everything to come help me.  Wow!
I am financially secure.  I own my own house....my car.....my student loans!  It means a lot to me to be able to provide for my son.  I was a 22 year old college graduate....& single mom.  It was a pretty scary few years not knowing what I was going to do.
Seriously, the list could go on & on.  I am blessed.  Why would I get depressed on a day that has to do with love?!  I love my family, my friends....the people in my life.  So, another year has come and gone and I am STILL single.....oh, well.  Maybe next year!

Looking for a good balloon!

A few years ago I came up with an amazing analogy for relationships.  I'm not bragging....I'm just saying.
I thought of it after I met my number one gay's boyfriend for the first time.  To put it mildly, he sucked.....& not in the good way!  My #1 G is funny, witty, outgoing, smartass (you can see why we're friends....it's like looking in a mirror) and his boyfriend was none of that.
After they left the party, we proceeded to do what a good friends do.....talk behind their back.  My theory is that sometimes that "opposites attract" thing does work.  If you are the wild, crazy, kooky one in the relationship, it works if you have someone in the relationship that can be the voice of reason.  It's like one person is the balloon and the other dutifully holds their strings so they don't fly away, but they still allow them to float.
EPIPHANY:   #1 G's boyfriend would definitely hold the string, but he would also yank down his balloon and pop it!  At the time, I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three and a half years (yes, the half makes a difference when you're that miserable!) for that exact reason.....he was totally a popper!
So, ever since then, I have been on a mission to find someone to hold my balloon.  Let me be crazy and loud mouthed, and drunk (if need be), but not only put up with my nonsense, but love me for it!  Alas, I still haven't found my holder....it's a tall order, I know.
Then, I had another epiphany!  I don't want a holder, at all.....I WANT A BALLOON!!  How does that work you may ask?  Well, my best friend and I are exactly alike (God help everyone around us).  She has been married to her dude for two years and with him for 6 before getting married.  Her dude is one of the few people that can stand to be around us for long periods of time.  Alienate & Annoy is our motto because most folks can only take us in small doses....even #1 G.  However, he is always there to make sure we get home & stay out of trouble.  I figured he did this simply because he loved her, but that's not the only reason.  I figured out that he has a touch of the crazy, too.....he's a balloon!
They work because they tie their balloons together and float in the crazy.....together.  Beautiful, I know.
I decided that's what I want.....what I need!  I want a balloon to float next to me!  Let's be crazy together!

PSA

Taking self portraits of yourself on your cell phone makes you look like a narcissistic asshole!
Can someone please explain this phenomenon to me?!  Okay, if you're a teenage girl, I can excuse it because.....well, you're a teenage girl.  
I do not excuse nor condone grown ass women taking picture upon picture of themselves and posting it to Facebook.  I promise you no one cares what you look like in the bathroom mirror, on your way to work, standing in your living room, etc.........Not exactly sure what you're looking for.....a compliment, perhaps?  A date, maybe?  Either way.....you look like an asshole.  
Also, to the dudes.....posting self portraits of yourself lets me know that you're either an asshole or a douchbag.  Either way....thanks for getting that out of the way up front.  Good looking out, bro!

What makes someone "Bad Ass"?

Good question.  
Don't think I really have a good answer though.  For me, it's a state of mind.....no one else is going to think you're bad ass if you don't think you're bad ass.  False reality?  Possibly, but do I really care.....no.  
What does annoy me though is people who will just say the words, but don't live the life.  I'm not just talking about "bad ass-ness, -dom, -ism" (whatever) either.  You have to live it.  

You know you have those friends that constantly post the bible verses, the positive affirmations, the quotes of wisdom, but in fact, they actually suck at life.  You know what?!  Just saying the words isn't going to make you a better person!!   Owning up to my faults & imperfections make me bad ass.  
So, here it is....I am an asshole.  I speak before I think, I make inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times,  and I'm not going to gush over your baby.  It doesn't mean I don't have feelings.  It just means I express them differently than you.  I am not intentionally an asshole, just to be an asshole....it's just that my sensitivity level is set at low....like, super low.  
I'm loud.  No.....really.  You get one volume....and yes, THAT IS MY INSIDE VOICE.
I'm snarky.  I will have a smart remark to make about that girl's outfit, the admin's stupidity, or whatever random rude thought pops into my head....yea, I'm looking at you Hipster Security Guard.  I know you heard me and I don't care.
I also have a one nostril bigger than the other, am the most UNphotogenic person you'll ever meet (mainly because of the nostril), and I could stand to lose 20lbs.  Would I change a thing?  Probably.  
However, this is the way God made me....take it or leave it.  I AM a Bad Ass.